You know those dreams, where you’re running through the streets naked, feeling completely vulnerable, wishing as hard as you can that everyone would stop looking at you, praying that the ground would just open up and swallow you?
Well, that pretty much sums up my experience of being in front of the camera. The feeling. Not the nakedness. (Oh, it’s also how I feel writing this post)!
I hate it. It’s awful. Yet, I know because of my job, I need to know what it feels like to be on the other side of the camera. I need to put people at ease, and make them relax as much as possible. Which I do. But I still need to feel what it’s like.
Most of the photos I have of myself, are snapshots that people have either managed to catch on camera phones, or take whilst I’ve been out on a shoot, and I haven’t noticed the camera lurking in the background.
Back in March, my friend and I arranged a day where we would go out and do a photoshoot for each other. We needed images for our blogs and we’ve known each other for nearly 15 years, so it made sense that she would be the one to take my photo. But even then, we discovered a common theme for my photos.
I either had my face covered up……
…..or stood in the background so I was out of focus.
…or played the fool!
…and the one’s where I have managed to look straight into the camera, I don’t use them for anything. Not because of the photos, but probably because I recall how uncomfortable that moment was, and like a lot of people, I hate looking at photos of myself.
Not so long ago I decided to take part in a 30 day self-portrait challenge set by photographer Alex Beadon, but I felt so uncomfortable I think I lasted about a week! …and on most of the images, I either had my eye’s closed, or my head wasn’t on the photos!
Maybe one day, in the future, I’ll try and get over the whole ‘being naked in public’ feeling and have another go in front of the camera; but for now, I think it’s safe to say I’ll stick to photographing other people instead.
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